Kay Starr Rachelson : About Therapy

Who is appropriate for therapy?

Both men and women, young and old, who are wanting to get support and encouragement. And with people who want to make changes, grow and fulfill dreams. Therapy helps them focus on what they need to change, and how they can make room for a better life. Therapy helps them to feel better and to make better choices.

People come to therapy because they want to have more satisfying relationships, make more money, or have more meaning in their lives, their marriages or their careers. They come to find comfort and purpose after divorce, the loss of a job, death or children leaving home. People who would benefit from counseling include those who want to conquer any out-of-control behavior, those who have issues with food, shopping or substance abuse, and with codependence and al-anon issues as well.

COUPLES THERAPY
There is a difference in couples therapy because we are working on blending two lives together without losing the integrity of either individual. And there is a third entity, which is the relationship itself. Sometimes there is a lot of history to untangle, and no one can feel love and anger at the same time. If anger is around a lot, it can begin to feel like the love is lost altogether. But most of the time the love is the very reason for the hurt and anger, and it is lurking just below the surface.

In my sessions I strive to reveal as quickly as possible the old beliefs and automatic behaviors that can cause extreme discomfort. It is my goal to identify repetitive patterns and triggers right away so that we can gain some quick understanding and relief. Then begins the work of change. Each person in the relationship has their own change to manage, their own triggers to understand and explain, their own behaviors and boundaries and needs.

Sometimes we work only in couples sessions. And sometimes we need to break out into some individual times. Safety and confidentiality are paramount here as in individual therapy.

INDIVIDUAL THERAPY
Therapy is a way of learning about your self and how to make the best life for your self possible! There were things we were supposed to learn when we were growing up: the value of our selves, the worth and lovableness that is our birthright, and how to go about the business of a successful life. But for many of us, we got off track and formed self-defeating beliefs, and that's where we're stuck. Most of the time we don't have a clue how to unlearn this stuff. Since a lot of what we are stuck in is learned, a lot of psychotherapy is about teaching.

So I teach a lot. We have to look at what you believe about yourself that's wrong, and practice new beliefs that feel new and foreign to you. And although therapy is hard work, I use methods that speed up the teaching and that help change come as fast as possible.

I work experientially. That means that we experience your reality together so that you feel your way into the healing as much as you learn and think it. It's the difference between learning about what a new spice tastes like and actually tasting it. Once you taste it, feel it and experience it, you know it. You get it.

THE BOTTOM LINE is that no one deserves to live in constant pain. That we can untangle the mess. That we can keep it fair and honest. And that change is always possible.

My husband, Joel, is a psychotherapist, too, and sometimes we work with couples together - each of us working individually with one of the partners and working together with both of them in couples counseling.